Twitter tip of the hat to Nancy Reyes for this one and thanks to Soda Head for the great laugh:

Dear Citizens,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, I, President Obama have decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as I, President Obama, deem appropriate.

(I won the election)

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by me, President Obama.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.

I, President Obama, have always prided myself on the amount of SHIT I give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely, President Obama

PS – - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off

Sometimes we all need a good laugh, so here is a compilation of some of my other favorites:

Video: Obama Jedi Mind Trick

Jib Jab “He’s Barack Obama” Cartoon

Healthcare cartoon.

Deficit cartoon.

And finally: this one.

I other news and opinion:

Goodbye War In Afghanistan?.

I saw this one coming: Republican Promises To Reverse Obamacare If GOP Wins In 2012. Encouraging to hear, but trust me, no guarantee. Keep the pressure up – I would rather see ObamaCare die this year. Trust me, it can be done.

Wackjob science czar to appear on David Letterman

Tom Ridge: Straight to the remainder bin

Monday morning quick hits: Gadhafi, Haditha, Dingy Harry & more

Ridge: Sorry, Just Trying To Sell My Book. Pinhead.

The Kennedy Watch

WaPo Asks: Is That a Recovery in Your Pants?. Using underwear as an economic barometer. Now I have seen and heard everything. I can just hear it now: “Wall street saw a sharp decline today after the release of the latest Tighty Whitey Index indicated men are going commando in a sure sign the economy is in big trouble.”

Cheney Wins. Of course he does. Never bet against a real man and a real American.

Harry Reid cheers unemployment in Las Vegas media!

Gibbs accuses Bush/Cheney of “underresourcing” the whitewashed war on terror